As you all know already, I am coming back to Australia at the end of November. My journey to this decision, and state of mind, has been a long and difficult one.
The first part was easy. I recognised that I am in big-L Love. I want to be with Sally and I think I am a much better person with her. We balance each other, we are both crazy and she keeps me grounded while supporting my ridiculous and often mutually-exclusive goals. She listens to me and understands me. She is evil in the most fun sense. She is also quite staggeringly beautiful. I could go on and on.
The second part was very difficult. I recognise that this is the fourth, maybe fifth abortive attempt and getting the fuck out of Australia, a country that I love and want to settle in but whose suffocating bureaucratic grasp (at least in the Computer Programming industry) makes me long for the fresh pastures, abundant venture capital and big ideas of London, New York or San Francisco before I come back ready for the long haul. On some level, I feel lame and embarassed for coming back early again, having failed to fulfil whatever potential I have.
But sometimes, you have to make the hard decision. And what I realised was this: I don’t think that I can do the other things I want to do without Sal. Or that I want to. I have always felt that self-reliance and independance are among the most important character traits one can have. But if that’s all you have, life at the top would be pretty damn lonely. There’s more to life.
So I’m coming back. And I am sure that it is the right thing. It is not the easy thing. It’s hard to explain to people, and some days it’s hard to explain to myself, but it’s my decision. Happiness comes from within, so wherever you are in the world, you have to do what makes you happy.
I don’t normally inject emotion into my blog, but now maybe you know how I feel.
Oh, and I’m having an absolutely WICKED holiday. Time of my freakin’ life, meeting loads of wonderful people and learning a lot. So, regrets? None.